Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
