I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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