Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
