she looked like the before picture.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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