NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
