i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
