why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
