Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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