Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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