She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
