Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
