put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Damn victory sex feels great
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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