She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
