Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
