matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
