My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
