dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize