I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
