Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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