Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
