every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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