drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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