woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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