Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
