smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
