I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
