A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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