The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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