absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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