Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
