At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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