If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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