he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize