Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
