He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
