I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
