I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
two words...techno handjob
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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