Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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