I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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