The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
