This is not my ceiling
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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