Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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