Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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