Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
tell me about the eggs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
