What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How external is "for external use only"?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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