my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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