im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
