Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
