can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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