no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
