Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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