She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
