Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
