Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
