so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
