Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
