He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
