i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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