i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
