he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
