Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
