he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i dont even know how to be here
We are two peas in an std pod
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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