Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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