Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
