I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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