just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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