I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize