thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
