We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
